Apr 29 2008
Curry Lounge – Ramsays Kitchen Nightmares
Another week goes by and once again I find myself unable to resist watching and writing about Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares, it is my favourite program on TV right now and it just gets better and better each week. Writing about this show is incredibly easy as all you need to do is reminisce some of Gordon’s’ swearwords of wisdom. I originally thought that keeping a total of the words was a great idea, but really it’s the manner in which Gordon pinpoints the key sometimes not so obvious problems with the business he has been asked to assist, some of the most memorable moments of each week are the pure idiocy acted out by real people who usually believe they know what’s best and Gordon is full of it
Restaurant info: The Curry Lounge – Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares: 29/04/2008
This week Gordon is in Nottingham and he’s attempting to help an ex-pharmaceuticals sales man who has sunk 500 pounds into a bollywood themed Indian restaurant (I kept expecting the chef to ride out on a white stallion and bursts into song any minute). Well if the window signage is anything to go by “Best Indian Restaurant 2007” (runner up) and “Best Newcomer 2007” (runner up) from a distance it looks like there is no problem, but when you get close enough to read the small font that say’s “runners up” how rude. As usual large menu and the food looks terrible, and theres this “pick & mix” menu that allows the customer to change the menu and put any food with any sauce but more of that later. The front of house staff seem to be busy enough and the kitchen staff are obviously working overtime. Then there the Bollywood décor, well you cannot believe this there are 7 flat screen televisions, fibre optic rope curtains that change colours (reminiscent of 1980’s discothèques) it all together too much to enjoy or even concentrate on your meal. One good thing is that Gordon did not have to wait for a table to clear in his lunchtime visit (no lunchtime punters not a good start).
The food:
Well here we go Gordon crosses himself and orders the Sea-Bass and curry, the DIY curry chicken korma and prawns with nan bread.
The first course arrives soon after, the appearance of the plate is good the sea-bass is dry and tasteless no salt or any other discernable seasoning. Next is Gordon DIY curry chicken korma and prawns, well fuuuck-me the chicken is dry, the prawns as expected do not go well with this, the curry is tasteless and oily. Now along comes the cheesy nan bread (it reminds me of the Spanish donkey-dick kebabs) the nan is impaled upon what looks like elk horns made from stainless steel. Gordon laments that it looks like grannies old pair of knickers. Now it’s time to go into the kitchen, there Gordon is confronted by the cleanest chef ever seen Khan. Looking around he discusses the food with Khan, its pretentious, bland and tasteless for a curry. Gordon finds frozen samousa’s, prepacked foods and curry pastes in jars (oh no not another Fish and Anchor), Gordon gets into Khan and soon the truth starts to spill.
Problems:
Well where do you start, the menu of course over 100 potential dishes, that can be altered on the whim of the customer, an owner who believes that he has spent plenty of cash and his restaurant should be a success because of that and that he makes sure the customer gets an individual experience when dining. Back in the kitchen, Gordon discovered that the 100 plus dishes use 1 of 3 sauce bases, well I’m no Michelin chef but I would have expected at least 2 dozen more bases. There is one shining grace it’s one of the chefs working in the corner turning out a nan bread every 12 second “a little harry potter wizard of the nan bread”
Now Gordon rounds on the owner, this restaurant is all flash and no substance it’s the same old story getting into a business you do not understand in the hope that being different and sinking plenty of cash will make you successful, not in the restaurant game.
Gordon stays around for the Friday night service, this should be interesting, and as usual it’s quite entertaining. It looks to be almost a full house, and there off front of house are taking the orders thick and fast, chicken korma with lobster etc. The kitchen is under the pump attempting to cook over 100 individual starters and mains off the DIY menu. It would be funny if it was not so sad, the kitchen staff are dejected, I do not understand why they stay there. Gordon goes into the kitchen for a while and notices that the meals are starting to pile up on the service table, some have even formed a skin on the top of the sauces, the front of house are so out of whack because the customers have ordered such strange combinations that it’s difficult to identify one from the other. this is ridiculous the customers are running riot with Raz’s business, with customers not ordering any of the set menu meals the chef (Khan) is quite upset with the boss for allowing this chaos. That’s what you get when a former salesman try’s to please everyone.
Gordon polls some of the customers as they leave and the answers are interesting, “all style and no substance” , “oily and no real spice”, “have had better”. Well Gordon’s seen enough, he will be back in the morning to see all the staff and have a talk.
Ramsay’s Makeover:
For Gordon to make a success of this restaurant he needs to point out the problems and get the owner and staff to see them and embrace a new path, this will be particularly interesting as Gordon admits to not know a lot about Indian restaurants but it cannot be to different from any other restaurant to get it right.
First things first, Raz needs to be sat down and get the truth in the light of day, first thing to go is the deceiving window signage Gordon has come prepared with scrapers and water sprays. Raz is more concerned that Gordon will scratch his tined windows than understanding the signs are embarrassing and untrue. Now time to make the owner understand that he is not right and he needs to listen to his staff, especially the senior chef Khan. Gordon gets the chefs to make 1 of every thing on the set menu, now blindfolds the front of house staff and has a blind taste test, surprisingly the Indian staff could not pick the correct meals except for the 1 meal that has no right to be on any authentic Indian restaurants menu ‘chips’ hnmm that tells it all theres 18 competing Indian restaurants in the Nottingham area and with bland tasteless fair like this that is so pretentious and off the mark this place would be lucky to last 6 months longer.
What’s needed is an injection of enthusiasm in the kitchen and front of house. First the kitchen, Gordon arranges to meet Khan at a local Indian grocer, its surprising that Khan ordered in all the ingredients sight unseen, as they walk thru the fresh produce Khan comes to life. At last we see the excitement in his demeanour, he laments to Gordon with a little prompting that his mother turned him onto cooking with her own northern Indian Lamb-Korma.
Well that was all it took Gordon suggests that Khan needs to create an authentic lamb-korma as tonight special. While Khan is enthusiastically preparing the fresh stock and slow cooking the lamb on the bone Gordon goes to right the front of house and Raz. The “pick & Mix” has to go, no discussion it’s gone. Khan comes out to give a sample of the lamb-korma and all are amazed with the flavour and freshness, so it will be pushed as tonight’s special. Now this is when I would normally say wow Gordons done it again, but Raz cannot help himself, 1 hour into service they have a near capacity dining room and not 1 order of the special. With a little chat with a table it all becomes clear to Gordon, the waiting staff have not even mentioned the special, Gordon stops them taking new orders and sends them back to the tables they have already served. This doesn’t work so its time to release the Indian tiger form the kitchen, Khan is prepped and goes to the patrons and pushes his lamb-korma.
The orders flood in so much so that they soon run out, at last success. Gordon enquires with some of the patrons, the comments now are “the lamb-korma was totally different to anything I have ever had so tender and the flavours are amazing” Gordon returns to the kitchen and starts to compliment Khan on how well he looks and praises him higher and higher, then comes the Gordon we all love he suggest ”Khan you are so good looking you could star in a bollywood porno”.
Gordon again needs to have a little talk with the owner, and make sure he is still serious about dropping the “pick & mix”. Next up is team building because it appears that front of house and Raz work separately to the kitchen and Khan, well we are in England so a spot of cricket should do the trick. Gordon has arranged for the local “C-class” team to play the Curry Lounge team. Alls going well and so Gordon decided to show Raz how he believes Khan and his staff fell, Raz is at the bat and Gordon ties one of Raz’s arms behind his back. That should do the trick, but to Gordon’s and my surprise Raz cracks the first fast ball past silly point where Gordon is fielding and as we have come to expect Gordon drops a sitter (sorry couldn’t help myself) he proclaims he has butter-fingers. Raz goes on to hit every ball, well that was not quite what was planed but it just showed that Raz is determined and if he put half that effort into listening to Gordon the restaurant would be buzzing. So that’s that then, but just a couple of days later Gordon happens upon Raz and the front of house having a meeting in a beer garden discussing team building and sales strategies, fuuuck-me Raz did you not understand any of the other day’s team building? You are excluding your kitchen staff, in my restaurants there is no distinction between front and back of house we are all 1 team.
Well it’s time to market this business because the lunch trade are not coming to the tables so Gordon orders in a quantity of “tiffen” lunch box’s and suggests that they take them to local offices filled with a mild curry, rice and a nan bread. Raz as usual is not too happy with this idea but the rest of the staff or warming to it. Upon entering 1 office with 40 tiffins’ they offer them to the staff for 5 pounds each, soon Gordon needs to send a runner back for 12 additional tiffins’ as they have all sold, now Raz is keen, 52 tiffins’ at 5 pounds each in 15 minute that a tidy sum of 260 pounds.
Now it’s time for the fix the menu and Gordon has enlisted the help of a friend Alfred from the successful Tamarind restaurant, Between Gordon and Alfred it is quickly decided that ½ the menu has to go. Alfred comes up with some easy authentic northern-Indian dishes, which suits all the chef because that’s their home district. Soon there are a list of dishes laid out to sample, the staff are amazed at the flavours and variety, Raz is still clinging to wanting his own way. All this does is fires up Khan, who now feels threatened by Alfred who is possibly half his age, but Gordon defuses it by lamenting that Khans uniform is not quite straight and he has at least 3 hairs out of place (alls well). At least now the green eyed-tiger is back in his cage and all get along. Next comes the obvious “Bollywood dancers” to hit the streets and sell the new opening. It’s a success a full house, the new menu is going down well, some customers try the old “pick & Mix” but to my surprise Raz supports Gordon and say sorry just as it is in the menu everything is a special dish. The final clincher for Raz is the 3,500 pound takings for 1 night Gordons work is done and he heads off.
1 Month on:
Well Gordon arrives back to find the place is still busy so much so that he cannot get a table, so he tucks into a tiffen lunchbox, but then it happens he spots the El-horn nan bread trees. Gordon grabs Raz and they go to the kitchen and collect all the stand, next Gordon whips one off a table and apologises but ensures they get a replacement nan bread off to the metal recyclers and the nan trees are crushed. Well that’s value they will get you 50 pence a kilogram.
Again I am amazed at the speed in which a restaurant can fall back into bad habits, but at least now the Curry Lounge has the opportunity to win the Best Indian restaurant for 2008. We will review how they have gone later in the year.
Favourite lines:
Fresh nan bread every 12 seconds “a little harry potter wizard of the nan bread”
”Khan you are so good looking you could star in a bollywood porno”
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Sharp knives make cooking a lot easier!