Another week goes by and once again I find myself unable to resist watching and writing about Gordon Ramsey’s Kitchen Nightmares, it is my favourite programme on TV right now and it just gets better and better each week.

Writing about this show is incredibly easy as all you need to do is reminisce some of Gordon’s swearwords of wisdom. I originally thought that keeping a total of the words was a great idea, but really it’s the manner in which Gordon pinpoints the key sometimes not so obvious problems with the business he has been asked to assist, some of the most memorable moments of each week are the pure idiocy acted out by real people who usually believe they know whets’ best and Gordon is full of it.

Restaurant info: The Fish and Anchor
This week Gordon is in Cardiff and he’s having fun with the welsh language, finding ways to mash native words so that they can be cheerfully pronounced “queer” and “kuntt-ah”. At the Fish and Anchor the owners Mike and Carol might just be the most entertaining and colourful characters in the series yet. Mike may not be English but he’s the archetypal British Bulldog a squat, small eyed skinhead softened by rolls of fat (romper stomper in middle age) ex boxer and fish & chipper. Gordon fancies himself a bit of a hard man too as we know, so he makes a point of utilising his winning way with an introduction. “You’re Mike”, he says. “I didn’t know you’d be so short”. Nice one Gordon how to get off on the right foot, but I would be upset if he pulled back and lessoned his acid wit.

Preparing Herbs

“Mike runs the Fish and Anchor” with his wife Carol and swiftly explains that he’s not messing around he’s after a Michelin star and has a method that surely can’t fail, he only cooks from famous chef’s recipes, proudly showing off a three feet high pile of cookery books. It’s not that he can’t cook himself he quickly informs the camera that a friend of his ate at Claridges recently and said the food he cooks is better than Gordon’s (not the best way to impress our Scottish gourmet). Not just that in his internet guise as Michael Jones he’s been telling the world the same thing (well we all love a good blog)

Problems:

As normal Gordon sits in to tempt fate at the hands of another would be chef, the menu suffers to many choices multiple styles. This would be a lot for any chef, Gordon notices that all the dishes appear to almost be taken directly from the cook book section of the local book shop. The meal starts of ok with a simple Minestrone soup, looks like a mess of mashed up vegetables with large pasta butterflies. Next up was one of Gordon’s signature dishes again this had a twist the Mung fish was cooked well but the vegetable especially the shallots are raw. The final main is a Welsh curry, hmm this as Gordon said looks like vomit on a plate. There appears to be many unidentifiable object in the curry on a bed of rice. Well that’s enough for Gordon but wait theres a twist. Gordons post meal banter begins in the kitchen “Well the food he cooks is shit and his twist on a Madhur Jeffrey curry uses Uncle Ben’s stir in sauce” What?” Oh dear (paraphrasing Gordon). The real entertainment has a bit of a twist as well it’s not watching Gordon drilling Mike on his failings but rather in the way Mike interacts with Carol. Their hosting method is honestly astonishingly original not only do they get stressed and angry they actually scream and yell at each other completely forgetting there are customers listening on, and if the customers are concerned with waiting 1 to 2 hours to be served then make a mention to the waiting staff which seems to light the fuse on Carol she begins telling them to leave in no uncertain terms. When the customers do complain Carol and Mike react furiously instructing them to “fuck off and don’t come back”. The customers are completely flabbergasted and too outraged to fight back. fuuuuking unbelievable.

Poor old Gordon for once simply can’t keep up sure, he contributes his usual volleys of “come on big boy” and “fuuuuck me”, but he comes a pale second to Carol’s language which is peppered with phrases like “I’ve had a titful”, and “I don’t give two shiny shites”. He’s frankly flabbergasted but, in fairness to her sees a good TV opportunity and makes sure he fires her up at the first opportunity, ramping it up so that her reaction is as extreme as possible. All the same her response is entertaining. There’s a wonderful moment when she stalks back into the restaurant hissing “fuck off” repeatedly at her husband. Moments later she is trying to justify her sudden rage. “I just don’t like being told to ‘fuck off’” she says. Gordon has added a new sling to his arsenal “Carol your demeanour in the restaurant is like having “Shrek in a dress” well I think he could have a point there.

Well we can see that theres a bit of culinary work and marriage counselling to be done here. A little bit of anger management wouldn’t go astray.

Ramsay’s Makeover:
For Gordon to make a success of this restaurant depends whether the horror can be reversed by some real progress in this case if Mike can get his own style and Carol a better demeanour in the front of house. Mike might not be the sharpest tool in the shed but at least, but he seems to be aware that something’s wrong. “I’m going to listen to Gordon”, Mike says, “and absorb it like a sponge, as much of it as I can”. I fear that he won’t be absorbing that much but only time will tell. Gordon gets the usual paint and changing rooms team in tho uplift the restaurant. With a little prompting Mike reveals that he has Italian heritage and responding well to Gordon’s suggestions. Gordon takes Mike to a local producers farm, and shows him the sweetest tomatoes fit for Nona’s’ tomatoes sauces. Mike revels in childhood memories of lovingly made simple Italian fair, Gordon’s sense of the path is illuminated. There are too many simular restaurants competing here what we need is a rustic pure Italian restaurant with easy satisfying fare. He guides mike to reinvent himself and the restaurant accordingly. He even stops arguing with Carol his enthusiasm is really heartening “I’m just going to cook what’s in myself”, he says tapping his torso with a podgy finger. Gordon brings in the cavalry from the local cooking college (Kelly) he reinvents the menu to be simple fare such as meatball in a rich fresh made tomatoe sauce. Gordon gets the marketing on the road after finding out the restaurant has a bad name for fighting and “argy bargy”. With this in mind Gordon took a leaf out of “Super Nannies book” introducing the naughty step (a punching bag out the back, so if it becomes too much for either Mike or Carol they are to go outside and have a couple of rounds with the bag).

As the norm Gordons’ day out in town spruiking the new menu and Mike and the team providing samples guarantees a fully booked opening. All is going well abut this is all to come to an unexpected end when a waitress (Mena) slips and falls and is badly hurt. Food goes off the menu and filming stops. The momentum of the show takes a hit and it’s a while before everyone gets back on board in fact, it’s a month later. By then it seems that Gordon’s words have sunk in a little. The restaurant is transformed, no longer a battleground but an overwhelming success. Mike has repainted the outside of the restaurant in white, it looks amazing a picture postcard. Despite describing Carol as a dragon, it’s clear that Ramsey is very happy that she is now seen as friendly and a cold phone call to customers from the list of bookings over the past month has proven that the place has turned around.

All in all I would say Gordon has planted the seed and now stands in awe of the fruits of his labour.

We would love to hear from others regarding this program.

The team is also looking to review the “Hells Kitchen” series.

Favourite lines:

· From Chef restaurateur to marriage counsellor

* Running around like “Shrek in a frock”
* Streamlined Italian menu (idiot proof)
* “Look at me look at me for just 30 seconds”

Check out the restaurants website and menu:

Home page http://www.thefishandanchor.co.uk/

Sample menu: http://www.thefishandanchor.co.uk/food.html

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