Sweet relish made from green tomatoes and onions. When we were first introduced to it in New Glascow, Nova Scotia, we couldn’t believe we were allowed to eat this sweet good stuff right along side our meat and potatoes. Shouldn’t this be a desert?

This year, with the funny weather we’ve been having in farm and cottage country, Ontario, Canada… My organic heritage tomatoes are still mostly green. It’s September, I’m panicking… Until I remember Chow Chow. (yes, it gets capitals, every time. It’s THAT good.) The only catch is I’ve never canned anything in my life.

Now, I’ve got all the theory down, and the books and pots and jars and lids and on and on and on. Just no practical experience. I’m a lady who likes a challenge. I’m also a lady who doesn’t like wasting food, time, or effort. So, this has just got to work the first time.

The girls and I get out the old scale that is meant for food, but only ever used for weighing packages for shipping from our online store. We grab a couple of bowls, and then out to the picnic table and garden.

What does twelve pounds of green tomatoes look like, you might ask? Voila!

Green Tomatoes and Yellow Onions

Along side of 3 pounds of yellow onions. The base ingredients for this recipe.

The first step is to chop up the tomatoes. stick em in a great huge stock pot. I borrowed one from my mom, because my stock pot looked very very tiny next to all these tomatoes and onions. This was easy. The whole time I’m chopping, I’m white knuckled and demonstrating the worst knife techniques possible. You know, the kind that ends with a sore shoulder and wrist, and a housewife losing a finger tip, or at least a close call. My inner Gordon shouted every version of the “F” word that the two of us combined know.

For those of you who are curious, there was a pound of icky bits left over. (tops and leafy bits.) So, this reduced us to 11 pounds of tomatoes. Oh, and for those of you who are concerned, I only grazed my nails. Finger tips in tact this round!

Now, I thought I could outsmart the onions. I had a bowl of cold water set up on the cutting board. I would quickly cut the tops and bottoms of the onions, make a slice down the side, and plunk it in the water, the tops and bottoms into the compost next to me. I peeled the brown skin off while it was under water, and then the onion went into a bowl. I managed to peel the first layer off of twelve onions (3 lb) without a tear.

Then, the chopping started. In half, plunk them in the water. One half at a time, chop chop chop… I’m thinking I might just have this beat, when the gases permeate my eyeball membrane and I’m down for the count. (My inner comedian kept screaming “DON’T CHOP ONIONS WITH YOUR EYES CLOSED!” and I had to put the knife down in between the last 5 onions and walk away to let my vision clear and my giggles subside.

Have you ever tried to take good pictures with your eyes dripping and burning from onions? Hilarity.

Eventually, all of them ended up in the stock pot (whew!) and I spread 1 and 1/4 cups coarse salt over the mix, mixed it up a bit, and let it sit overnight.

First bit down, next bit tomorrow. (oh, it gets better and better….)

Lori Petroff

Up at the ‘Paris’ end of town, Bourke Streets vibrant pre-theatre strip used to be bookended at number 1 by The Hard Rock Cafe, replete with (mostly, if not completely) tacky Americana including a sign out front advising all nuclear weapons to be left outside.  Inside it served typical American mass-consumer fare : over-sized, under-seasoned and over-here!  The Hard Rock Cafe played out rather like a Burger King to TGI Friday’s McDonald’s.

But its not what used to be located there, it’s the venue we’re interested in! 

The Hard Rock closed last year and its Windsor Hotel owners stripped it down and left it with bare bones fittings to be used as a corporate conference venue.  Presumably they figured they could either make more money this way (debatable) or possible they just couldn’t be bothered with the hassle of finding a new tenant to take over this admittedly large venue and do it justice.  After all their core business is hotels, not a property landlord.  A conference venue is much easier to maintain and look after even if it doesn’t create the same revenue.

The advantage of setting the Ramsay restaurant here is not only is it a good size, but restoring it to its previous function of a restaurant wouldn’t be that complicated.  It represents another blank canvas waiting to be painted on.  There’s nothing there in the way of building that would need taking out. 

And I have I mentioned the location?  It’s higher profile than Oliver’s Fifteen, in an already successful strip of similar good quality restaurants and cafes.  From the European round the corner all the way down Bourke pretty much to Exhibition St the venues are all good and another can only add to the areas reputation – and not only as a pre-theatre strip!

Anyway, The Windsor’s owners should think again – the opportunity to host a prestigious venue like a Ramsay restaurant isn’t going to come up every day, and the prestige and publicity can only be a good thing.  Get creative guys – visitors to Melbourne could even be tempted to staying at the Windsor if there was a cross package with a restaurant of this profile affiliated with it!

Pros : Well established area in the CBD, large size, blank canvas of the current conference room.

Cons : Convincing the hotel to restore it to its previous use?

So after a brief beer or two we’ve come up with a list of the Top 5 places, which we’ll reveal one at a time starting today.  These five are all central locations in or close to the CBD – we may do an outer suburb top 5 if time permits.  

So without further ado, lets kick off with number #5 – Abbotsford Convent!

There is little doubt that the Convent is a roaring success since it was saved from being turned into just another bland residential townhouse development and handed over to the community.  They’ve done an admirable job in turning it into an Community Arts venue hosting cottage scale artists and a small selection of eating venues (bakery, organic cafe selling beer).  And lets not even get into the success of the Farmers and Slow Cook markets that keep the place thronging with crowds every other weekend.

Yet for all the micro-developments that have so far moved in, the vast size of the place means most of the convent and its adjoining buildings and outhouses still lie disused, derelict and in need of restoration. 

What better choice then to house a top-class restaurant sympathetically decored in keeping with the style of the Convent?  The Convent is ideally located close to the CBD and public transport (via Collingwood train station) and has ample car parking facilities opposite.  The blank canvas of many of the building still empty leave vast scope for creating an interior in a wide range of ambient non-corporate decors – given a talented designer all bets are open for the style and ambiance of the place! 

As for cons?  Well the micro-style of the existing convent places means anything too large might be hard to get away with, so may limit the size of any restaurant.  Also I suspect (purely my guess here) the parts of the Convent still empty are empty for a reason – they’d cost more to renovate to a usable standard.

Stay tuned for Location number 4 as we head West-wards…:)

Well this week we find Gordon on the Costa del Sol in sunny Spain, what an amazingly beautiful place, sun, sand and bountiful seas to provide the best food and experience for any foodie.

Well that was before we had been introduced to the local fresh prawns with chocolate sauce???? And the infamous hanging Kebab or Donkey dick as Gordon describes it.

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Gordon got the chef/owner Laurence to cook his signature starter: prawns in chocolate and to follow a steak kebab and a dorada. Gordons response was as colorful as we normally expect “The prawns were cooked excellently yet I ruined them with a fu@#ing stupid sauce!” and “The steak kebab was all different sized pieces so how could it be cooked any other way than a mixture of rare, medium and crispy.” swinging in the air like a great big donkey dick. And the fish is burnt. Well once you have ha d a meal like this a simple Crème Brulee should be easy, but from the clouds of smoke emanating from the kitchen, Gordon asks his waitress is that normal, to which she replies that always happens when they burn the top of the deserts. Burn, and yes the crème Brulee had a blackened solid top, but as they had placed so much heat with their electric element it turned the centre to mush. Looked more like 2 day old baby food.

Not off to a great start but Gordon persevered and went into the kitchen and promised to be back that night to see a full service, and was that going to be an interesting time. Well the restaurant is booked fairly well and the kitchen is struggling with a menu of 90 plus options, Chinese, Italian, British and of course Spanish. This is a recipe for failure, too many dishes for 1 person to handle, while the chef is inside the souse chef is working on the medieval BBQ cooking kebabs and chicken that by sundown has become a scene from a B grade horror movie. Food that is not cooked and chicken kebabs that have been prepared and cooked even before someone has ordered them, they have been poached and the souse chef said not to worry because they will fry up ok and what he doesn’t use tonight he will reserve for tomorrow. My god that’s a recipe for Salmonella, “you will kill someone with that”. Gordon as I was speechless, well perhaps he wasn’t. But this got worse, they needed a wind up torch to cook as it got darker and the souse chef had lost the plot.

Time for a reality check, Gordon dressed all the team down and stated that tomorrow they would get this on track.

The next day Gordon arrived to find the restaurant filthy dirty there was even dog pooh on the floor. This is the worst Gordon has seen and that’s saying something. Now its time to clean and its amazing how much dirt you see coming off the floor, if the restaurant is that filthy then the kitchen must be a dump. And sure enough there is grease ¼ inch thick and the deep fryer has 2 inches of black sludge on the bottom. Gordon gets the team to action and the kitchen starts to resemble a clean environment. Gordon is battling to get the owner to drop his menu and stop using the plunge cooker (hotplate) to bastardise all the meals, fish, steak and vegetables are all cooked together no wonder they all taste the same.

Gordon needs to get the staff and chef using a simple menu with the outstanding fresh produce, but the cocky owner thinks he knows better, he is just playing with his dads money and cocking up a great business opportunity. Gordon takes it upon himself to cook the so called signature dishes of “prawn and chocolate sauce and chicken and banana” he then blended them into a smoothie and got the owner and his manager to do a blindfold taste test. The result was that neither could identify the ingredients and they both agreed that the concoctions where crap. Gordon’s answer is the tried and true one simple quick fresh food, Gordon comes up with 2 salads, a gazpacho’s soup, grilled chicken fillet and salad, but the owner Laurence still insists on running with his menu.

This as you come to expect fails, and Laurence waits far to long to call off his normal menu and in Gordons easy quick food. Another failed night, the next day Gordon attempts team building Ramsay style. This is with a twist, Gordon want the owner Laurence to learn a simple rule about accepting and listening to advise from someone who knows, this could be dangerous as Gordon has arranged Bull-Fighting lessons for Laurence. At first Laurence follows his pattern and almost gets hurt, but with the required cajoling from Gordon questioning Laurence’s cojones it all starts to click, Laurence starts to listen and finally wins 1 fight. (bull 10 Lawrence 1). This seemed to put the light on and there is now an understanding that Gordon is there to help and Laurence needs to accept the advice. (funny side story, Gordon apparently told Lawrence that he himself had learnt to fight the bull earlier that day. We have it on good authority that this was a little bull itself)

With a few changes all starts to gel and the locals have agreed to give it another try, which fortunately works, but the restaurant manager gets greedy and double books many of the tables. This makes what was a great night into a shambles, no communication with the kitchen that the tables needed their food as a priority to turn them around and unhappy customers.

As Gordons time is coming to an end they try again, this time success, but that is short lived as the restaurant got robbed over night, what a setback.

Gordon left them running OK service wasn’t that great but at least the food was good and customers happy.

6 months on:

Gordon returns to find the restaurant busy, but the menu has turned to Italian & British food not one Spanish dish. He gives the pasta and the recommended bread and butter pudding a go, what a mistake, the pasta is overcooked oily and tasteless. The recommended pudding does not do any favors either, the base is burn its “Crap”.

Gordon gets in the kitchen but Laurence has fallen back into this stupid I know best mode and wont even agree with Gordon that the pudding is burn, this is not grate perhaps Gordon needs to bring back the bull. After much discussion Gordon relies that the restaurant has lost all its lunch trade and the dinner trade is falling away, it’s time to get back to basics. Gordon does a quick poll among the people at the beach’s and street, what the tourist want is Spanish food when in Spain. Gordon challenges Laurence to a coo off at the local beach, Gordon will make a simple Paella with local ingredients up against Laurence’s pasta dish. Well you should have guessed the outcome crowds flock to the enticing aroma of the paella cooking and the crowd favorite by a landslide is that. With a little guerilla marketing Gordon lets the gathered crown know that it’s a short 200 meter stroll to the La Parra and there are some table free for lunch. This is the life saver and hopefully Laurence is back on track to at least getting this business right before aspiring to open 5 more.

Quotes:

“Taking on

the Spanish at their own game is a recipe for disaster.”

“The prawns were cooked excellently yet I ruined them with a fu@#ing stupid chocolate sauce!” “The steak kebab was swinging in the air like a great big donkey dick.”

Restaurant:

http://www.laparrarestaurant.com

Bookings: info@laparrarestaurant.com

Laurence Davey, chef and owner: laurance@laparrarestaurant.com

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This week Gordon finds himself in Ambleside Cumbria in a quant place “Glass House” this time he has an owner who does’nt have a clue andd ahead chef who is being payed far more than he is worth.

 The Glass House is ran and owned by Neil farrell and he is deep in debt, to the exstent he does not eevn switch on his mobile phone. His head chef is Richard (37 years old the same as Gordon) trained at Claridges (before Gordons time) and well paid 25,000 pound a year. The head chef openly admits to questioning his own ability and passion in the kitchen.

The Food:

Well here goes Gordon again, Richard has decided to serve his signature dish’s, Duck croquet Richard ensures they do not send the old stale ones to Gordon, when they arrive they are well dry, laced with chilly and theres even a bone in one of them.. Not of to a good start. Gordon requests a standard and one of my own personal favorites Lamb Shanks.  These arrive with a side of French fries but oddly appear to be on a bed of mashed potatoes (odd) the dish is dissected like any good autopsy, the meat is oily the chips smell burnt (stale old oil) all together not the best ever seen. Gordon lament no wonder the punters are not coming all this stodge for 30 pounds..

 Problems:

 Kitchen cannot handle the pressure of 106 covers on a Saturday night. Food is backing up, patrons are waiting over 40 minutes for their starters. This all looks too familiar. The kitchen has no communication, front of house also are not working well, Neil is not looking or acknowledging the issues he seems to be blind?  Neil speaks to Gordon during service and said “Gordon you would be doing me a favor if you just bought this business” Well that did not sit well with our host.
So lets create a list:
• Head chef has lost enthusiasm and control in the kitchen
• Kitchen has no respect for their head chef
• Only 1 kitchen staff member other than the head chef has any formal training (1st year trainee chef)
• Kitchen porter has no idea
• No communication in kitchen
• Little or no communication in the front of house
• The owner has no idea and is too soft on his over paid under performing head chef
• Food is too fussy and there are very strange combinations
• Bad hygiene
• No leadership in the kitchen or the business
• No signage visible form the street
• Nothing to show this is a restaurant
• Menu has 90 items

Ian sent one of his team in a week earlier to recon the Glass House, hidden camera in tow and we see extremely poor hygiene in the kitchen, plastic containers of not so fresh produce. Pesto being prepared on the floor like mixing paint on a building site just poor food handling and overall mess.

 The makeover:

Open sandwiches at lunch time to replace the overly fussy badly cooked menu, there is to be 6 starters, 6 mains and 6 puddings (deserts). This is of course not taken well by the owner as he doesn’t want to become a glorified sandwich shop, but Gordon explained that one of the best sellers at Coleridge’s lunch menu is in fact sandwiches. The team in the kitchen are enthusiastic about this fresh menu, the food is easy to prepare and looks fantastic. The taste well if the the actions of the team while sampling is an indication I would say it hits the mark. One of the team manages to eat 3 of the mackerel open sandwiches while Gordon is asking them what they feel is wrong and their own areas that they can improve (this is something that the head chef should be already doing as the team leader).

Some of the teams feedback is right on the money:

·                     When we get busy I have to keep reviewing the tickets as I am given too much to do

·                     We are not always given tasks until the sh#it hits

 This just supports the usual issues in most of the kitchens, no leadership or direction. Normally in all the great kitchens the head chef is likened to a air traffic controller making sure that all the incoming and outgoing traffic is monitored and moving at a good pace, this is what is lacking here.

10 pound lunch, Gordon has devised a 3 course lunch for a fixed price, this takes off as a success and the diners love the freshness and presentation. The kitchen and front of house too like that the food is easy to prepare and service is quick (10 – 15 minutes from order to table) this is what is needed to get the lunchtime workers back [remember they only have 1 hour to order and eat]. Now with Gordon assisting Richard in the kitchen all the sections within the kitchen are talking and working together.

Gordon does not believe that Richard is worth his pay, so as Neil appears to not have “the bottle” to do anything about this he recommends that both Richard and Neil have the night off, but they must eat in the restaurant (secretly), Gordon informs the kitchen team that he has given Richard the night off but does not tell them he will be eating at there tonight. Now it’s time to see how good the team are, Gordon informs the kitchen that they will all be taking 30 minute shifts as the head chef. This may backfire and Gordon will be left with egg on his face.

Now the fun begins but to my surprise the kitchen is talking and working together, orders are going out quickly and the quality is good. The kitchen staff are shinning without Richard and their doing themselves Gordon doesn’t even have to give any instructions. Meanwhile Neil and Richard are eating up large, the conversation looks a bit staged with Richard constantly stating the food is like “sex on a plate” , bur will this open Neil’s eyes that the kitchen can function without the boat anchor Richard… Apparently not, after service both Neil and Richard go down to the kitchen, Neil is ecstatic with the efforts of one and all in there, but Richard comes out with a speech that they are his team and he is happy they all have not performed badly. Hang on it sounds like Richard is responsible for this nights success?

The re-launch:

Gordon laments to the kitchen “Mistakes Stay In the Kitchen”, now he turn to the menu, 90 items far too many this is quickly cut down to 6 starters, 6 mains and 6 puddings (18) much easier to prepare and cheaper to maintain stock. Classic simple fair (sound familiar)  The staff really need a dedicated leader and the food needs to to get out quickly and with a high level of quality.

Gordon has arranged for 70 of the most influential people form the area to attend the opening, the new menu is classic but simple, a fish Sheppard’s pie that can be prepared earlier and only need be reheated during service, a fresh Caesar salad that is dressed without anyone’s hands ever touching it and simple fresh desert bread and butter pudding. Even Richard should be able to run this without any trouble. The night starts well Neil has booked the 70 starters to come in shifts (well that’s a good start) But its not long before Richard show that he cannot control the kitchen, he is yelling but no ones listening, salads are going out without dressing and he blames the staff. [Sorry that the 747 hit another 1 but its not the controllers fault]  Gordon has had enough of this bollocks and if Neil wont do something he will get the full rathe of Gordon,  Neil needs to stand up and do something or he will lose here.

After service Neil gave Richard 3 choices :

1. Leave

2. Take a pay cut

3. Get stuck in and prove yourself within 30 days

Richard chose # 3 we will have to see

1 month later:

 Well it’s cold and the snow is falling when Gordon returns, What’s changed Neils still there as the owner, Ian and carol have left the kitchen (more on that later) and the porter Randel has gone, but Richards still there. He appears to be slipping back into his ways but only time will tell. The bsuiness is making money. The menue is not too large [good] butRichard just cannot help himself, he has created a rissoto with Pomegranite seeds as garnish (that’s just weird) and Gordon cannot believe it. Well that’s our lot for the Glass House.

Breaking news (NEW feature):

(18 November 2004 11:46 http://www.caterersearch.com/Articles/2004/11/18/56273/nightmares-chef-quits-connaught.html)
Claire Porter, the Lake District chef who was offered a job by Gordon Ramsay at Angela Hartnett’s Menu restaurant in London’s

Connaught hotel, has left just weeks after joining.

The 24-year-old, from Lake District restaurant the Glass House, in Ambleside, impressed Ramsay when she worked alongside him

during the filming of his television series Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares earlier this year.

Porter only began cheffing part-time after working front of house. She had never been to catering college and had considered

quitting the kitchen to run a bookshop.

But Ramsay persuaded her to pursue a career as a chef instead. Porter took his advice and moved to the capital to work

alongside Hartnett at the beginning of October.
Ian Waddle who was also given a job by Gordon Ramsay at Gordon Ramsay at Claridge’s quit after just three weeks, as he was unhappy with its long-hours culture.
The Caterer & Hotel keepers publication reported:
“Ramsay told Waddle at the Glasshouse: “I can’t believe you’ve only been cooking for three months. You’re a f****** natural.” But, according to Glasshouse owner Neil Farrell, Waddle hadn’t enjoyed Claridge’s and felt there was more to life than doing the same thing over and over again during a 19-hour day.”

Favourite lines:

 “Kitchens the engine room”
“Mistakes never leave the kitchen”

“sex on a plate”

 Webpage: http://www.theglasshouserestaurant.co.uk/home.cfm

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Ramsay however has (I trust the cheque is in the post Gordon?) as a way to cut CO2 emissions from modern paractices of shipping out-of-season produce around the world. Which would mean no more ‘selling-strawberries-to-the-eskimos’ practices such as flying frozen New Zealand lamb flown to England for Christmas.

A great idea, which I would like to see applied not just too fruit and veg, but meat too.

Except if Ramsay gets his way of course, there goes the unique pitch of my bistro. Bugger!

Addendum: He also came out against plastic bags…

Famous for his bad temper, Ramsay also spoke passionately about another environmental concern – plastic bags – saying they simply “did not make sense”.

I have wondered why anyone needs plastic bags, something I’ll look into next time. Until then – Cheers Campers!